


Dysfunction

by Azelto



Category: Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera & Related Fandoms
Genre: Erik kinda has PTSD?? i guess??, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, there's sex at the end but it isn't really detailed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 11:24:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17058911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azelto/pseuds/Azelto
Summary: Erik finally gets into bed with Christine, but now all his memories of past trauma are holding him back.





	Dysfunction

Throughout the whole time that he had admired her, he had thought that this was what he wanted. But now the moment had come and he was unable to stop crying, shuddering and sobbing, tears falling down his cheeks whenever she tried to touch him.

And they were not even tears of joy; joy was the exact opposite of what Erik felt. They were the same tears that he would have cried if he had had a knife at his throat, or a rope around his neck. When before Christine had been his heart’s desire, now his anxious mind only seemed to see her as a threat.

“What is it?” Christine asked. “What’s wrong,  _ mon chou _ ?” She reached out a hand to stroke his hair, but he flinched away.

From the moment that they had gone to bed, or at least,  _ tried _ to go to bed, Erik had gained a startling awareness of himself, of his body, and how  _ inadequate _ it was. Now that the thrill of winning Christine’s love was over, his adrenaline had died down and he had come crashing back to reality. As soon as she had tried to undress him, he had panicked. His physical form was abhorrent, repulsive, so much so that even his own mother had rejected him. And every time Christine so much as laid a hand on him, flashes of past rejections all but eclipsed his view of her.

“I…  _ can’t _ …” The words came out in a gasp.

“You can’t what? Please, tell me what’s wrong!”

“I can’t do it…” Erik shielded his eyes with his hands, trying to at least control his breathing. “I… it’s…” He drew in a breath, then managed to force the words out. “I can’t let you see me naked. My body, I… I hate it. I can’t even… I can’t even get it up…” A sob rose is his throat and choked the rest of the words.

Christine looked down at Erik’s crotch and saw that despite her being topless, breasts on full display for him to see, he had not even the slightest bulge between his legs.

“Come on,” Christine took his hand and placed it on one of her breasts. “Don’t you want to make love to me? Honestly, I don’t think you’re repulsive at all. You’re more attractive than you think. Why would I be in bed with you now if I didn’t love you for who you are?”

At those words, Erik’s breathing became somewhat more regular. The room stopped spinning and he could once more focus on her, and only her. He examined her breast in his hand, giving it a soft squeeze, thumb caressing the nipple. But no matter what he did to it, his cock remained in its flaccid state.

“Is there anything I can do to help turn you on?” Christine asked.

Erik swallowed. “I don’t… I don’t know.”

“I think… you just have to relax. I want you to feel good, I want you to feel loved. Nothing bad will happen if I touch you, I promise.”

Taking in another deep breath, Erik sat up straight and tried to loosen his muscles. With careful hands, Christine started to unbutton his shirt. When the neckline fell away to reveal his shoulders, her eyes widened.

“Oh,  _ Erik! _ ” She gasped.

“What? What is it?” His muscles tensed.

“You’ve got a…” And she reached up to finger a dark-brown mole on the junction between the edge of his collarbone and his shoulder. It was smooth and stuck out from the rest of his skin.

But as soon as she saw where her hand was, Erik flinched away with a cry, covering himself up as if from the cold in a raging storm. And then the memories came flooding back, of being naked and caged, trying in vain to cover himself with his bare arms; of crowd of people recoiling from the sight of him; of being taunted and beaten because of the scars on his face.

“No, no…” He sobbed, body shaking once again. “Please, no... “

“Erik,  _ mon choupinet _ , I’m here.” Christine took hold of his hand again and squeezed it. “You’re in bed with me and nobody is going to hurt you.”

When Erik didn’t seem to hear, an idea came to her. She took a deep breath and began to sing. It was a song that he had taught her, that she had sang for him countless times in private as well as on stage.

Then at last, his eyes focused on her again and the heaving of his chest began to slow. His skin now glistened with a thin film of sweat.

“I can’t do it.” He said, shaking his head. “Christine, I am so sorry, sorry for everything, but I just  _ can’t _ . I won’t be able to make love to you. At least, not any time in the near future. I’m sorry, I can’t believe how pathetic I am.”

Christine squeezed his hand. “Erik, please don’t worry. If you can’t do it, then we don’t have to do anything at all. I still want to make you happy, whether you’re able to make love or not.”

“But what am I supposed to do instead? Surely you want to be satisfied as well.”

“Well, you seemed to be calm when you touched my breast. Maybe you would still be comfortable if you pleasured me with just your hands, or your mouth.”

For a short while Erik thought about this proposal. The more he thought about it, the more appealing it seemed. He would have the honour of being intimate with Christine, without the distress of being touched himself.

That night he spent hours satisfying her with his fingers as well as his mouth, discovering to his delight that she could orgasm multiple times in succession. And after she had grown too exhausted to take any more, he held her in his arms and planted soft kisses into the chestnut curls of her hair.

They would find a way, Christine thought. If she could help him to trust her, to see that she truly loved him in spite of everything, she knew that one day, he would allow himself to be loved.


End file.
